.happy thoughts.

When are we going to have kids? 

People ask me that all of the time.  I absolutely can't wait to have a baby. Like, CAN NOT WAIT!  I think about this topic on a regular basis. It's not that I don't think we are ready, I feel like we could handle it, but I guess there are a few things left to do before we are ready to be selfless.  Also, I'm a PERFECTIONIST.  I want everything to be perfect for my future child.  The crazy thing is, I work with kids everyday... I realize that is not possible. I will never have it together enough to claim we are a hundred percent 'ready'.  In a way, I feel like you're not actually ready until it happens.  It's a learn as you go type of thing.  I sincerely feel like all parents do the best that they can... but then again, I live in a fantasy land.   

Anyway... I guess I always thought I'd own a house, and a yard (with a creek), and a swing set before I have a child.  I totally realize a baby doesn't need a creek and a swing set... or even for their parents to be the owners of where they live. It's silly, really. It all boils down to me not personally being where I want to be when I bring a child into this world.  I definitely want to be through with school and have a nice little career underway.  Which is potentially only 2 years away.  I'd also like to be living in a state that we will be living in for ... well.. potentially forever. (that sounds so long and scary)

There is so much to think about and the type A in me wants to think we will have all of our little ducks in a row before we bring a life into this world.  The realist in me knows the truth. 

With that being said I will say, I don't think I have ever look forward to something so much.  I think about their names and what they'll look like.  I wonder out of Lar and I who will be the good cop and who will be the bad cop.  I sincerely hope I'm the good cop, but I fear it may have to be the other way around.  I hope they'll have freckles like Lar. I hope they'll be a little stubborn like me... or a lot.  I wonder if they'll play sports or instruments... or maybe both.  I think about Lar coaching their little league teams and me baking treats, with them, for the whole team.  I think about how things will be different for our marriage once we have a child, but that I know we can make it perfect for us. I think about teaching them right from wrong and teaching them good habits. Most importantly I hope that he, or she, or they will be kind to themself/themselves and others.  I even think as far as the rough days of crying and boo-boos and nothing going the way I'd like for it to go, and envision myself taking a breath and remembering these are the days that I've been dreaming about literally for years.  

I think about attending all of their big events.  And I think about them getting home from practice or rehearsal and us all eating as a family (I know that one is easier said than done... but this is a dream).  I think of them playing outside lots and with electronics not so much. I consider that as they grow up we will fight and sometimes I will be "mean" and they'll "hate me", but I look forward to knowing I am doing what is best for them.  I hope that my children will be best friends with each other and know that I'll love them no matter what.  

The thought of having a family with the man that I have been in love with since he was a boy is the most happy thought I have ever dared to dream. 

So, although I do not have an exact timeline of how this will all play out... I do have ideas and dreams of how our life will be.  Until then I will continue to change their names every other week and ask Lar what he thinks of our child's newest name of the moment. 


These are my happy thoughts.
Rant=over. 

Us... just thinking about our future baby.

(or hating the movie we were watching...)