.Trust.Your.Gut.

When I first moved away from home to Nashville I was 20 years old. I can not even come close to explaining in words how much I have learned in the past 5 and a half years.... So for now I won't even try. I will, however, try to explain one of my favorite lessons up to this point. TRUST YOUR GUT (all the time)!

For me, moving to Nashville was the hardest and best decision I have ever made. Telling my family that I was dropping out of school was certainly no easy task. Looking back, I honestly don't know what gave me the guts to do it.

So, I get to Nashville, I get a job at the front desk of a pediatric dentist office, which I had experience doing, and I quickly realize that I hate it! They gave every child drugs to calm them down and I saw about 15 children puke in the lobby within my first week there. When one of the other receptionists looked at me and said, "you'll get used to it..." is when I decided to give two weeks notice. I didn't want to get used to that. So, my first job in Nashville, fail. I felt like a total loser. Nine million questions in my head trying to figure out if this is where I'm supposed to be.  Not only did I have to tell my boyfriend, who was beyond understanding but, I hated calling my family and telling them that I quit my first real job, that I actually needed to survive.

A week or so later, I was in downtown Nashville, sitting on the a curb playing my guitar (yes, this is 100% true.. :) when a random lady walks up to me and says, "do you need a job?" What the hell? YES... YES I DO. She gives me the info I need and tells me I can start in two days. This is when I started working in a downtown gift shop. Once again, I hated it. People were rude. I had to work until midnight on some nights, and then walk to my car alone in downtown Nashville. I had to pay to park. I would cry to my mom everyday and ask her what I was doing. She would tell me to be the best gift shop cashier the world had ever seen... which is so cute in retrospect, but not at the time! I made it at this job for about 3 weeks. Once again, I felt that I had failed. Something in me told me, this not where I was meant to be. If I hadn't trusted that, I could be lead cashier at a gift shop right now. Damn!

Onto the next, nannying. I love kids and I loveddddd the little girl that I was able to see grow up for about a year, but it was just a lot. I was with her for more than 60 hours a week, and we had two, one hour outings per week. It was hard because as much as I loved seeing her learn new things everyday, I was there for over 10 hours a day and had no way of meeting anyone my own age. (I did get really good at the ABC's though.) After about a year of nannying, I realized, yet again, I needed to make a change. I moved to Nashville originally for music, and had done nothing. I also had not made 1 new friend. On the day that I gave the mom a month notice for her to find someone else, I took the little girl to gym class. When we were in her class a lady named Sheila, who is now my good friend, made an announcement saying, "we are looking for some people who think they might be good at teaching classes. If you know anyone who might be interested, let us know." Well, if that's not a sign I don't know what is. I didn't feel right doing it right then, so I called the gym when I wasn't on the clock nannying. Ultimately I ended up working there until Larry and I decided on our little traveling gig, and now I currently work there while I'm in school.

Throughout mine and Larry's travels I have worked at a couple if coffee shops and discovered my love for baking. During our travels I decided that I'd like to take this baking thing more seriously and go to school. Which is where I am currently at in this story.

My main point is, you know when you're happy, you know when you're not. At least for me, if I am doing something day in and day out that I don't feel any connection with, it is going to reflect in all aspects of my life. I won't be as good if a wife, or friend, or sister, or daughter.  When I am not happy with something in my life I have a constant unsettling feeling in my stomach. It is the worst.

I guess this is one of my favorite lessons because it will make so much of a difference in your outcome. Sometimes change is not easy, but it is definitely necessary. So, to wrap this up in a pretty little package. TRUST YOUR GUT! If you trust what is inside of you, I am fairly confident you will ultimately end up where you need to be. :)

.tomorrow is mine!.

Today is just one of those days.  One of those lovely little days where whatever I do, and wherever I go, I am tripping over myself.  I am not typically a negative person, but occasionally, when I get into these rut type of days... I think I get a little carried away with it. 

On these negative nancy days when something goes wrong it just seems like I am a snowball at the top of a big hill.  I left from home this morning for work after I was supposed to be there already.  My allergies are crazy right now... so I'm sporting the specs that fall off of my face all day. My head was pretty much pounding all day.  Then of course, dumb dumb dumb things bothered me all day. 

When I REALLY REALLY think about it.... none of these things are really that bad.  They are so silly.  I can suck up a headache and being late, but sometimes... just sometimes, I let this silly shit get the best of me. 

By the time I sat down with my WONDERFUL husband (who does a great job of handling these psycho days of mine) to eat a mediocre dinner that I made he showed me some pictures of a couple that had been together for years.  The husband lost his arms and legs when he was fighting for our country.  I saw several pictures of him on his wife's back as she now carried him where he needed to go.  At this point in mine and Larry's dinner I started sobbing and said, verbatim, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?"  Then I proceeded to get up from the table and go into the bathroom and SOB. 

One word... IRRATIONAL! I know I'm irrational.  And honestly, I'm irrational every single day of my life... but usually it's in a different way.  A better way... I think.  

Here this wife is carrying her husband around and I'm crying like a psycho because I was late to work and I had a couple annoying moments in my day. Like... stop. 

Anyway, finally I come out of the bathroom and say "sorry I'm a psycho."  Then we decided to go to starbucks so I could get some school work done and Larry could read. After going to two different starbucks we finally found seats at the third starbucks we went to.  I got a chai tea latte, with whipped cream and caramel on top of the whipped cream.  I know that is totally weird. Anyway, I noticed when the barista (baristo???) rang us up he charged 60 cents for the caramel on the top.  I open my lid to disgustingly slurp off the whipped cream and caramel, which happens my favorite part of drinking hot drinks, and there is one drop of caramel.  SERIOUSLY? 

I think on a normal day I wouldn't have wanted to kick this guys teeth in... but today, I needing MY CARAMEL!  

Looking back on days like this, I always get disappointed in myself for letting silly things get to me. I'm sure this won't be my last psychotic, irrational, crying baby type of day, but I sincerely hope that as I grow older I will learn to pull it together a little better than I did today (bc I didn't at all today... so I guess that shouldn't be hard). 

It really is all about how you look at things.  I promise I know this... today, I guess I was just looking at everything through my negativity lens.  I hate to live in the future, but TOMORROW IS MINE!    

For now, benadryl and bed. 

That's all for my rant. 
NIGHT. :)

.happy thoughts.

When are we going to have kids? 

People ask me that all of the time.  I absolutely can't wait to have a baby. Like, CAN NOT WAIT!  I think about this topic on a regular basis. It's not that I don't think we are ready, I feel like we could handle it, but I guess there are a few things left to do before we are ready to be selfless.  Also, I'm a PERFECTIONIST.  I want everything to be perfect for my future child.  The crazy thing is, I work with kids everyday... I realize that is not possible. I will never have it together enough to claim we are a hundred percent 'ready'.  In a way, I feel like you're not actually ready until it happens.  It's a learn as you go type of thing.  I sincerely feel like all parents do the best that they can... but then again, I live in a fantasy land.   

Anyway... I guess I always thought I'd own a house, and a yard (with a creek), and a swing set before I have a child.  I totally realize a baby doesn't need a creek and a swing set... or even for their parents to be the owners of where they live. It's silly, really. It all boils down to me not personally being where I want to be when I bring a child into this world.  I definitely want to be through with school and have a nice little career underway.  Which is potentially only 2 years away.  I'd also like to be living in a state that we will be living in for ... well.. potentially forever. (that sounds so long and scary)

There is so much to think about and the type A in me wants to think we will have all of our little ducks in a row before we bring a life into this world.  The realist in me knows the truth. 

With that being said I will say, I don't think I have ever look forward to something so much.  I think about their names and what they'll look like.  I wonder out of Lar and I who will be the good cop and who will be the bad cop.  I sincerely hope I'm the good cop, but I fear it may have to be the other way around.  I hope they'll have freckles like Lar. I hope they'll be a little stubborn like me... or a lot.  I wonder if they'll play sports or instruments... or maybe both.  I think about Lar coaching their little league teams and me baking treats, with them, for the whole team.  I think about how things will be different for our marriage once we have a child, but that I know we can make it perfect for us. I think about teaching them right from wrong and teaching them good habits. Most importantly I hope that he, or she, or they will be kind to themself/themselves and others.  I even think as far as the rough days of crying and boo-boos and nothing going the way I'd like for it to go, and envision myself taking a breath and remembering these are the days that I've been dreaming about literally for years.  

I think about attending all of their big events.  And I think about them getting home from practice or rehearsal and us all eating as a family (I know that one is easier said than done... but this is a dream).  I think of them playing outside lots and with electronics not so much. I consider that as they grow up we will fight and sometimes I will be "mean" and they'll "hate me", but I look forward to knowing I am doing what is best for them.  I hope that my children will be best friends with each other and know that I'll love them no matter what.  

The thought of having a family with the man that I have been in love with since he was a boy is the most happy thought I have ever dared to dream. 

So, although I do not have an exact timeline of how this will all play out... I do have ideas and dreams of how our life will be.  Until then I will continue to change their names every other week and ask Lar what he thinks of our child's newest name of the moment. 


These are my happy thoughts.
Rant=over. 

Us... just thinking about our future baby.

(or hating the movie we were watching...)

   

     

Time for some new adventures.

We got a new car! Yay.  Exciting times. For more than two years now Lar and I have been driving around in a mini van.  A 2003 Mazda MPV, to be more specific.  When Larry decided to take a traveling job about 26 months ago I was going to buy out the Toyota Corolla I had been leasing since the time I had originally moved to Nashville. My amazing, beautiful (insert more positive adjectives) stepmom, Sherry, had past away 6 months prior to making the big bad traveling decision.  The van, which we later named "da beast" was Sherry's car. When we decided on the traveling gig my dear old dad suggested that we take the van for our travels.  A free car that comes equipped with it's own guardian angel... yes please! 

(The beast literally carried our life from home to home.)

It was perfect.  The van fit all of our stuff in it, and got us from point A to point B.  Since the time that my husband, our dog, and I have been traveling with da beast... we have seen so much.  Now, it has not been all good times.  We, of course, get made fun of by most people we encounter, our friends, and our family because we, in fact, drive a mini van.  Random people also ask me all the time if I have kids, after seeing my whip. Nope, just me and my husband and our dog roll around in this bad boy.  I think if you asked Lar or me at any given time we would say we have grown toe LOVE our van! We would obviously like a younger looking car, but it doesn't bother either of us.  I, however, by no means realized that I was actually emotionally attached to da beast. 

(Our final road trip in the beast... back to Nashville.)

When we moved back to Nashville we realized we were going to have to switch the plates over soon which would cost at least $1,500... aka a down payment on a car with less than 200,000 miles.

We have been looking at Jeeps here and there for a while now.  Lar would love to have a Wrangler, but as a practical little wifey wife (scary that I was the practical one) I couldn't justify a Wrangler in my head. Of course, they are cool, but cool alone wouldn't convince me to get rid of our precious Mazda.  I figured whatever car we decided on would be the car we will have when we decide to have a kiddo or four.  I personally do not want to be rolling around in a wrangler with a car seat in the back.  That's just me. 


About 3 weeks ago we took our lovely, little mini van to Carmax to get appraised and they offered us $300. for it. WHAT THE? I almost died. Does this person know about the memories we have had in this thing.  It also has over 200,000 miles on it because it's freakin' awesome. We left Carmax feeling a little sad that we weren't pulling out of there in a BRAND NEW (to us) JEEP! Of course, we saw 800,000 Jeeps on the road that day.

The search continues.

Two days ago I decided to go to a Mazda dealership and see what they could offer us for da beast.  After I received a better offer than STUPIDMAX (carmax)I started to look at the used cars they had on the lot.  I was by myself, and told Stephen, my car salesman, what Lar and I wanted.  I said, I want a white jeep patriot, and he wants a black jeep patriot.  He said, "well... we have a silver 2011 on the lot." :) This was obviously perfect because that just shows how well Lar and I like to meet in the middle! Black+White=Silver... right?

I didn't talk any numbers with Stephen at the time and told him I'd be back with my husband (the muscle of the operation) later that night.  I did some finance research ALL DAY LONG when I got home, which gave me a definite leg up when Lar and I went back to Nelson Mazda.  

When Lar and I arrived at the dealership I walked in as if I owned the place.  To my dismay Stephen wasn't there as he had promised... jerk.  We test drove our future car, and obviously we loved it! We talked details... surprisingly I did most of the talking... because I'm more of a bitch than Lar, obv.  We signed a gajillion papers.

While Lar was getting the insurance taken care of over the phone with progressive (thank you Flo), I went to da beast to change over all of our personal items.  All of a sudden... I became incredibly emotional.  Shocking, I know.  It is crazy, we have been planning to buy a new car for months and the time had come. I had been wanting a jeep SO BADLY! Every time I would see a Jeep, I wanted to become a criminal and hijack it... but I didn't (just to clarify). Now, it was time to say goodbye to the beast and I was literally crying.  I thought of all of the silly and amazing and perfect memories we had in this mini van.  When we drove from PA to OR I remember petting the dashboard (as you would pet a dog) saying, "good job beastie" each day that we would make it a little further across the country.  We were never quite sure if she was going to die out on us, but she never did. (tear)  My love and I had been fortunate enough to travel all across the country and it all of a sudden seemed as if I was signing those memories over to Nelson Mazda.

As I was out there for about 20 minutes the salesman came out to see that I wasn't "being mugged by a homeless person."  I told no, I'm okay... with tears literally streaming down my face. Awkward. 

                                  

(Saying goodbye to our precious Beastie Boo)

Shortly after I went back into the dealership Larry and I walk outside to leave with our new car.  I hugged the beast, and cried a little more.  Then I took a necklace that I had found in the car belonging to Sherry and hung it in my review mirror of our new car.  Lar and I talked on the way home about all of the memories we have had in da beast, and decided that we will have so many adventures in our new car.  We will think of the jeep as a mini beast.  That's when I came up with the name Wildabeast... or Wil('da beast').  She will be called Wilda... for short. Da Beast had served her purpose, and after a sad goodbye we look
forward to more adventures to come with Wilda!

(Welcome to our family Wildabeast!)

(Time for some NEW ADVENTURES!)

Leave Us Alone Day.

So... this past Sunday my husband, Larry, and I decided we would not make ourselves available to phone calls or text messages.  We didn't check our emails, facebooks, or even.. (bom bom bom) our instagrams.  We are obviously not the first two people to ever try this... but I have to say, it was AWESOME. I'm not going to lie.. when Lar went to take a shower, I contemplated taking my phone off of "airplane mode" and checking instagram.  Addicted? I suppose. In the early part of the day I kept hitting the center button of my iphone 4 (I'm a little behind) and nothing would come up.  It was borderline depressing... or maybe I'm being dramatic (but maybe not).  It was just so strange because checking our phones is really second nature.  Sometimes I even do it while Larry is talking and I don't even notice I am doing it... nor am I listening to what he is saying (shhh). But seriously... that is rude. And it is definitely not my intention to be rude.

Anywhooo, Sunday was lovely. We spent lots of quality time with just each other. 

This was on Saturday night after sending my very last text.

(of course I had to document it... and Lar didn't care.)

On Sunday we woke up and went to a coffee shop called

THE FROTHY MONKEY

It is a cute, little, trendy coffee shop that 

is filled with Belmont hipsters. 

We ate lunch and I had the most delicious caramel latte

ever!

The reason I went with the caramel latte (even though I'm a hazelnut girl)is because the frothy monkey offers homemade caramel.  Ironically I saw one of the

baristas pouring ghiradelli caramel into their bottle.

SHENANAGANS! 

I worked on my annotated bibliography

and Lar read a little. We were so trendy for a little while.

On our way home we went grocery shopping... which was 

thoroughly uneventful.  When we got home we were so hungry that I quickly put the groceries away (in my normal obnoxiously anal fashion) and started cooking. 

I asked lar to just put the water in the fridge when I started cooking. Anyone that knows me... knows that I

am a little bit particular (or a lot).  Some would call me OCD.   

When I went into the refrigerator this is what I saw...

Someone was trying to be funny...

but this stresses me out. 

We had the most romantic dinner of all time... drum roll please...

GRILLED CHEESE AND TOMATO SOUP!

Classic.

We both ate two... don't judge.

We watched "The Hunger Games" while enjoying

our oh so romantic dinner. 

After that we hung out on our little porch area.

... and midway through the day we realized we have been married for three months!

We have officially made it longer than Kim Kardashian and 

Chris Humphries. 

Go us... I guess?

Okay.. So back to the phone thing...

I definitely think I will be doing this again.  Maybe once a month.

I first realized that I was enjoying the no phone thing when Lar and I were driving to frothy monkey and an Elton John song came one the radio.  I am a fan of Elton.  I was raised on him. I just busted out into song. Windows down. Belting at the the top of my lungs.  After the song was over I got to thinking... I wonder if I would have even noticed the song was on if I was just a passenger in the car and was on my phone. Honestly.. probably not.  

With the risk of sounding old, I want to say, the whole 'technology thing' has gotten a little out of control.  I look around and see people out to lunch and everyone

at the table is on their phone.  Or when I am walking in school and I try to make eye contact with someone and they look down at their phone to avoid eye contact. Technology is an amazing thing.  When I think about it for too long it is actually beyond my comprehension.  With that being said... I definitely think

technology has it's place. The problem is... our society abuses EVERYTHING that we are given. 

I sincerely wish I lived in a world where people 

would care to talk to the people around them. I wish people

would notice more of the little things in life (myself included).

I can really only change my own habits, but from now on

I really plan on trying to do so. I plan to be more conscious and look at the beauty around me.

.Twenty Two THOUSAND Dollar Question.

Alright pals, I'm not really a believer in the "no dumb question" thing.  I absolutely have heard some dumb questions out there.  Also, repeat questions are dumb.  If someone has answered a question... don't ask them again. That's dumb.  Regardless of the fact that there are clearly dumb questions out there I do think it is important not to be afraid to ask certain questions. It's so common the be afraid of sounding silly or stupid and not asking the question at all.  My new rule of thumb, after a recent revelation is, if this question is directly related to my life and/or my well being... I'm going to ask it.  I'm going to ask even if I am afraid of sounding dumb because it could be situation changing or potentially life changing.

As of last week I went back to college.  Being I am twenty five and no longer a rebellious eighteen year old, I had to figure out all of this grown up-ish stuff on my own.  I couldn't hand all of my paperwork over to my mom or dad. So that sucked. The good thing is I was obviously more prepared to handle all of the financial responsibilities as a twenty five year old than when I was a little, green, eighteen year old.

Okay, so after my acceptance to the baking and pastry program at the art institute in Nashville I had to get to business. I fill out my fafsa.  I get back the information that I will be getting some grants and some government loans. Great. After all was said and done I still did not have enough money to pay for school. Yes, I would be working, but I was sure of the fact that between my rent, phone, and other grown up bills I would not be able to cover the nearly $14,000 I would still owe. Womp womp.

At this point I thought, what would most students do? Well, of course they would take out a private loan.  My aunt agreed to co-sign. We filled out all of the paperwork and I was approved.  My aunt calls me a couple days later, which was less than a week before I started classes.  She says to me, "Sar, this loan is stupid." As tears filled my eyes because if I did not have the loan, I couldn't go to school, I say, "yeah." I explained to her that this is the way it works. Almost every student has to take out a private loan because it is the ONLY OPTION. She told me she totally understood and that she wanted to help, but I would be paying $11,000 on a $14,000 loan. Madness. After talking to my lovely Aunt Sue for a little while we decided that I should go into my school and demand answers. Yes, demand... I'm really intimidating. 

The next morning on my way to work I decided to stop at my school.  I go into the main lobby area and say, "I need to see Tricia, I DON'T have an appointment." As the sweet, southern front desk lady tells me she is in a meeting, I crossed my arms and say, "I'll wait." So bad ass.  I found myself a seat and about forty five minutes later Tricia comes out smiling to meet me. 

We went back into her office and I explain to her that we NEEEEED to figure something else out. I ask her about making monthly payments and she tells me they'll be over $600.00 a month. Okay, so that was out. Then she explains that I can pay $200.00 a month but I'll be paying for 53 months in total. So.. that seemed like an option. FINALLY, she casually says, "you said you want to do the 2 year program in 17 months right?" I nod yes. She says,"Well you know if you do it in 2 years you will get a whole other grant for that extra time in school which will take roughly $10,000. off of your bill." UMMMM- WHAT?! No, I actually didn't know that because I am not a financial advisor. 

LUCKILY, my advisor eventually told me that.  The main problem I see here is that I had been sitting in her office at this point for about forty minutes.  I had had several phone conversations with her about my best options. DING DING DING... this is clearly the best option. Yes, I'll lose about 6 months of time in the process, but I will have more hours in my day with a less busy class load to work. More work means more money that I will be taking in. More money coming in equals an easier time with my bills. My school bill went from about $14,000 to a little over $3,000 plus the federal loans that I will pay back, which are minimal interest in comparison to the private loans.

After my Sally Mae loan would have been said and done I'd be paying $25,700 with interest on a $14,700 loan. INSANE. After speaking with my advisor who almost forgot to advice me (who is actually really nice by the way) I will be paying $3,700 over the next 2 years. 

The point of my little anecdote is, ASK QUESTIONS. Whether you feel that they are dumb questions or not, just ask... unless it is a repeat question, of course.  I almost did not go speak with my advisor because I am too proud of a person and did not want to admit that I needed some help figuring out the situation at hand. Lucky for me it all worked out for the very best.



SIDE NOTE- It kind of seems that the loan situation that our most students in our country have no choice but to turn to is very flawed. It pisses me off a little that I could have spent $22,000 more than I needed to in order to go to a two year associates programs. Also, THANKS AUNT SUE. 


THANKS FOR READING PALS! <3

       

.Let's Play Ketchup.

 Being 800 miles from home I decided to start this blog about all of these new, fun things going on to keep my family & close friends in the loop-de-loop.

Well... this whole blog thing is a little bit new to me (or a lot), but I'm going to give it a go.  My husband Larry and I recently moved to Nashville (as in 3 days ago), we are newlyweds as of June 1st, 2013, and I am about to start school for a program in baking & pastry next week.  Lots of new stuff, lots of excitement, and of course... lots of nerves. I love this unsure feeling.

For anyone who missed anything, here is a quick summary of the last two years... LET'S PLAY KETCHUP.

Lar got his doctorate in physical therapy. I sadly left my job working at a kids gym and we decided to travel through his work. In the past two years we have lived in Texas, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Oregon, back in Pennsylvania, and in our home state of New Jersey (with my amazing gram). We got engaged shortly after our nine year anniversary of dating, while we were living in Massachusetts.  We were married in New Jersey this past June and it was absolutely PERFECT.  Along the way we have met lots of interesting people that we are lucky enough to now call our friends.  We have been so lucky to drive all over the country together, in love and in a van.

It is a little sad to stop moving from place to place, but for me personally it will be very gratifying to live a little less on whim (although, I do love that) and meet some personal goals that have developed over the past couple of years. That is pretty much that.

                        THE PAST TWO YEARS.

We have moved our life in a van several times.

      

We took countless selfies while on the road.

     

We got engaged.

We ran a half marathon.

He ran a full... in the rain!

               

We got a little closer to Lar's favorite president.

We saw Mount Rushmore!

We finally saw the pacific ocean.

We hiked... a lot!

We took engagement photos in beautiful Oregon.

We have been to tons of capitols. 

Lots of states have welcomed us.

We gave a tree in Colorado a cute tattoo.

We lived with the BEST person ever. (My Gram)

OH YEAH... and... 

...the best thing of all...

                         WE GOT MARRIED!

I can't believe I just summed up two years of my life in a paragraph.  It seems like it should be more than that.  Thankkks for reading my first blog post.  I plan to keep 'em comin' (I'm southern now). Enjoy my little journal in my own corner of the internet!