JUST a mom

Something about Mother's Day has had me going all week, which is a huge shocker being I'm NEVER emotional. (Like, never been, never will be.)   My first Mother's Day really made me think.

My biggest fear throughout my pregnancy with June was that she would be born and I would lose my identity. I was concerned that I would become "just a mom." I did not want to be bound to my house.  I also did not want to feel any resentment toward my child or my husband if I did, in fact, "lose myself."  I was determined to make sure the things that make me who I am would remain important to me.

After my little bug was born, it all fell into place.  My worries were wasted time, as all worrying is. People have told me that being a mom is the most difficult job and yes, I understand in a physical sense it is be grueling. But honestly, sleepless nights included, in some sort of strange let me give you everything I have, momish way, it is also the easiest job. (I am sure I used all the commas, in all,the wrong places in that, wacky sentence,,,,.)

I have never desired to give more of myself to any being than I would so eagerly give to her. I want to give her the best of everything, as I see it. The best food. The best care. The best of it all.

I want to hold her just enough for her to know how loved she is. I want to put her down enough to teach her how strong she is becoming. I want to snuggle her and I want for her to explore. I want to take her on long walks and hikes and show her all of the beautiful things this life has to offer her.

On the flip side of this I have become someone I love more since my daughter was born.  I want to be someone that she will eventually think is strong and has a beautiful heart (& face, if I am being honest).  I hope that someday she will look up to me.  Her even wanting to speak to me in her teenage years would be an added bonus!  

Right now it is just poopy diapers and teething and one day it'll be first loves and broken hearts. One day it'll be dropping her off at college and the next it'll be giving her away.  We will get through it all.

And although I continue to take yoga and go on runs and do all the things that make me, me, the fact is, things have changed.  I constantly have my little buggy on my mind in the best possible way.

As I am only 5 and a half months into life as a mom, I'm am thoroughly enjoying each moment and adore being "just a mom".

To all of you moms out there doing the easiest/ hardest job there is,
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!